utterly confused (rockinturtle) wrote,
utterly confused
rockinturtle

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good god...i have goosebumps.

so, i listened to a few of the songs on the new good charlotte cd tonight, and i realized that i HAVE to have it. i mean, i have to. i almost started crying when i heard this song because its so much like this letter i keep writing to my dad over and over again and never sending...lol. i know, he's getting better, but still, this is an awesome song, and so true...tonight at jamie's wedding, when they did the father/daughter dance i had to leave the room because i started to cry...well, i couldn't help it! lol...my mom just looked at me with this look like "i'm sorry you'll never have this with your dad" kinda thing, and i just had to leave...i feel so stupid most of the time because there are so many things that i can't handle anymore. i need to start up therapy again...maya said that she was gonna start going with me so we both wouldn't feel so stupid having to talk to someone about what exactly is wrong with us...heh. not like we have a defect or anything, just that there are certain things about us that need to be fixed, and we can't do it by ourselves. thats ok, right? right. anyway, here's the song that literally made my heart stop when i heard it...its awesome.

hey dad, i'm writing to you
not to tell you
that i still hate you,
just to ask you how you feel,
and how we fell apart...how this fell apart,
are you happy out there
in this great wide world,
do you think about your son?
do you miss your little girl?
when you lay your head down
how do you sleep at night?
do you even wonder if we're all right?
we're alright we're alright...

its been a long hard road without you by my side
why weren't you there all the nights we cried?
you broke my mother's heart you broke your children for life,
its not ok, but we're alright
i remember the days you were a hero in my eyes,
but those are just a long lost memory of mine.
i've spent so many years learnin how to survive,
now i'm writing just to let you know that we're still alive...

the days i've spent so
cold, so hungry,
were full of hate,
i was so angry.
the scars run deep inside this tatooed body,
there's things i'll take to my grave,
but i'm ok, i'm ok...

its been a long hard road without you by my side
why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?
you broke my mother's heart you broke your children for life,
its not ok, but we're alright
i remember the days you were a hero in my eyes,
but those are just a long lost memory of mine,
now i'm writing just you let you know that i'm still alive,
yea i'm still alive

sometimes i forgive,
yea and this time i'll let live,
dad i miss you,
i said i miss you...

its been a long hard road without you by my side
why weren't you there all the nights we cried?
you broke my mother's heart you broke your children for life,
its not ok, but we're alright i remember the days you were a hero in my eyes, but those are just a long lost memory of mine, now i'm writing just to let you know i'm still alive...

and sometimes i forgive, this time i'll let live,
and i miss you, i miss you...hey dad...


so...umm...i'm gonna go study or sleep or something. ed, shan and casey called me tonight! woo...i was excited. i hadnt talked to any of them for a really long time. i might go up there tomorrow...that could be kinda cool. bye byes.
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